8 Breeds of Digger: When Nerds Attack on Digg.com

It happens quickly. Like a savage shark mauling or a crocodile attacking in it's hostile native territory. Digg rape is a scary and real prospect for internet authors and personalities.

A pack of fierce and savage nerds, the 'digg' variety are a vicious race, attacking from the realms of their castle, inside the borders of digg.com

This latest episode all started yesterday when a Digg user posted this article, asking:

"Whats the relevance now of high profile blogger John Chow and his mate Shoemoney, and does anyone still read their blogs?"

The question was about blogger John Chow, who had insultingly used and abused the digg system some 12 months previous, ruthlessly launching his Blog into cyber stardom from his evil blackhat digg exposure techniques.

So yesterday when this question was posted on digg.com, it started what was to become a digg feeding frenzy, angry nerds foamed at the mouth and slammed their keyboards with scrawny fingers of rage. Coke spewed everywhere and spilled on khaki pants around the globe.

Here's how Digg users commented, with an editorial note under each explaining the various breeds of 'Digg' users.

Digger Species 1: 'Thugs': "Who the fuck is John Chow, and how many of the above commenters are bots, or were compensated to post here? I never understood why anyone reads those blogs."

Editor: This is classic full frontal Digg attack. The less intellectual and physically stronger nerd lunges into the pre-emptive attack using naughty words like: Fuck. Then finishes having really not made much of a point and makes way for a secondary wave of digg troops to attack.


Digger Species 2: 'Know All, Fat Nerd': "There are hundreds of thousands of bloggers who want to figure out the secret to getting lots of traffic to their lousy blog with little interesting content. A whole crop of blogs have achieved great success by appealing to those people. There's no secret. Write good articles, do some BASIC search engine optimization, get on the various indexing/feed sites, and continue to write good content."

Editor: This is a very common form of digg species, following closely behind the 'full frontal' troops, this digger numbers many and adopts a form of 'I know it all, I can achieve anything because I am a legend in my own lunchtime at mummies house'. These specimens usually jump into an attack after they are sure they have the numbers and will closely follow up a 'full frontal' attack.


Digger Species 3: Inbred Redneck: "Who cares what those geeks do? There are more important things in life than wondering what some ugly bald person is writing about"

Editor: This is getting real nasty now, referring to the previously uber-Chubby Shoemoney: This random inter-bred type of 'digg' species is struck by boredom and feels the vibes of a 'riot' style attack and quickly gathers to join and enjoy a group attack. Random intellect, various dialects and utterly confident in the safety of their borders and amassed troop numbers, they eagerly herd and assault from all directions.


Digger Species 4: Godfather: "Fuck blogs! Blogs are the fucking AIDS of the internet. bloggers are just fucking shitbags whining about not making money for typing three sentence paragraphs every two months."

Editor: When these guys enter, now things get extremely scary for the victims. A fierce 'Godfather' breed of digger wades into the attack and attempts to savagely beat any remaining life and dignity out of the victim or victims. This type of digger uses their aggressive manner to slap the victim hard and assert their prowess and control over other diggers. Craving and sometimes commanding respect amongst their digger allies.However on this occasion, the 'Godfather' was stung in a hit by fellow digger mafia bosses . In an internal nerd boss struggle, this Godfather wanna be was 'buried' by his enemies, a digg term for 'killing off' their foes.


Digger Species 5: Seinfeld's: "It's Bush's fault"

Editor: At last, some small relief for the victims. A 'Jerry Seinfeld' breed of digger throws himself into the previously out of control bashing. A random and unpredictable species of digger, the 'Seinfeld' can at times be the only hope for victims. They create confusion and ill-direction amongst other breeds of digger and this hesitation and topic change can sometimes allow a few victims to escape with their life, albeit bashed within inches of.


Digger Species 6: Script Kiddies: "The day i read John Chow reviewing a MATTRESS i said ok, that's enough."

Editor: Frantically trying to keep the group bashing mentality afloat, a new digger throws in some hostile and directed words into the fray, trying to spark the continuation of the assault. A late comer to the riot, these are generally younger 'digglings' or the children of the digg breed sometimes referred to as 'kiddies' 'newbs' 'n00bs' or even 'bs mofos'. They will usually wade into battles when the victims are near unconscious or well subdued by their older digg family members.


Digger 7: Random Nobodies: I think that Bloggers must maintain its posts quality, or people will go to another place, but it's not my problem, so i don't care about it.

Digger 8: Random Nobodies:No, i stopped reading blogs og those persons...they talked about agloco,a big scam of the net! You are right,their words are only bla bla bla

Editor: It seems in this case, the injection of the Jerry Seinfeld digger several comments previous, has virtually saved the life of the victims. Heavily savaged, limbs broken and faces bloodied - the victims were able to scurry away into the blogging slums, as the 'digg' attackers were confused and preoccupied with illegible, off-topic and rarely decipherable comments from 'nuff nuff' diggers.

These are the lowest form of 'digger' - regularly spamming and multiplying they infect and ruin the general direction and creed of digg. You see, these 'nuff nuffs' tend to work alone and have no idea of the chaos and confusion they can cause when they feed off the likes of a Seinfeld breed of digger and make senseless, off-topic and embarrassing comments usually in a language only known by themselves.

............ So tread carefully my friends, digg rape is a scary and real prospect. And you will never be the same again.